I want to.....just let it go

I know I had a lot of work in hands, I need to do a fucking lesson plan for class tomorrow, maybe do a note or two, creating slides, it just too much work and I had to do it every single night, I mean yeah I like being teacher and prepare all this shit but MTeach is just soul-taking.

I thought it going to be like during my degree years, I can do it, I can take up as much beating, screaming, critising, I'd get that, I love that, I love stressing every night doing a essay due tomorrow.It just what I love to do, last minute work and mountain of essay but Mteach is just so different and I just hate being part of it

The people are okay, I mean most of them are not from uni itself, they tend to complain a lot and although I hate that but somehow I get used to it. The lecturers are more than help, they actually care. However this is not I'm something used to, it just, I'm used to getting abused by our lectures to do work and not being care and we end up slapping each other face and throw insult. I live through that and I enjoyed my lectures being dickhead and actually care for us behind our back. The lecturers I encountered was all nice but I can't just seems to connect to them. I feel they really set the boundary or I set the boundary between them. It's just frustrating, I can't even understand what they want from us. It's just too much!

The school I'm placed to was really strict and they still think Mteach is the same as those who did diploma where we have a whole year to observe other classroom and expect us to be ready to teach class. It's not, we're not being told how to manage class or dealing with student's psychology. If I had it my way I would throw a fit and hit my students. yell at them or even throw their chair but all these unspoken rule about this and that are just stupid. Most of how to handle students come from sharing experience and observation in which I feel it's not enough! I rather spend a whole semester observing classes and teaching in the next term. Throwing a students who have no fucking clue to teach professionally is fucking hard to adapt. Not even afternoon class prepare us for this, most of our work concentrate on our research.

Which what the fuck are they thinking, this is Master by Coursework not by a fucking Research. don't fucking say anything about mini thesis, we had to do a proposal, defense our research to panel, kiss their ass if we had to and do a thesis, I don't know who thought about it but I really want to slap his face with a brick. I mean when they said research I thought it going to be 10 pages research paper and we take few journal as our base research and come out our own topic but they said; "fuck it let just ask them to do REAL research work" I get it we are in Master Level and doing research shouldn't be a big deal for us but it's big deal, we had to focus a lot of thing within A FUCKING YEAR, one year it's just not enough and most master finished their courses withing 1 and half year. You see Mteach is just for someone who either didn't know how it going to pull themselves to deep down to the rabbit hole or a really hardworking person who doesn't mind overwork themselves .

That's just leave bad taste to my mouth and I hate it, if I want to do research I rather taking Master by Research and don't have to worry about clinical work, the fact that the school has little knowledge how Mteach work and almost going to give me 3 classes is just draining my energy, I don't really mind if I had to focus only t teaching itself, the fact that I need to do Research and going to present it by April is just asking whether or not I'm still sane to teach those motherfuckers.

Never knew taking this Master was a bad choice and I'm not even talking about when I was going to Thailand bad choice, because going there give me therapy and feel that I can do something, help somebody and be somebody....I feel that my desperation was finally going away, I have no more to feel very sad every time or feeling like killing myself or asking God why He haven't took my life yet, I was REALLY HAPPY even I had to live with unknown people, but they are nice people. I guess I miss that part, being care, to ask how was I feeling....maybe that's it...I want someone to ask me how I feel and I wish I could just tell them how I feel without being judge or anything, I want to be care of

I'm just not that strong right now, I can feel that darkness when I was depressed before come back to my shoulder, I been depressed before and I thought I can handle another wave but it just getting harder by day. It getting stronger and I had to be stronger than that, everyday was struggle, I love doing work and stressed myself up...it just perhaps being judged by my mentor and my 2 specialist took a great toll on my confidence. I used to being judged on my paper but not my actual practice, especially when it come to communicate with people who's younger than you, it's a different psychology and I need to master that but they don't have it....

For 4 years in Uni I only miss handing my work once but in master I even deliberately miss the due just to get that essence from my lectures yell at me or scream at me why I haven't give the essay.

I was hoping by the time I type this I feel better about myself...you know the whole let the feeling off..or even cry a bit but I don't know...I keep staring at the clock seeing I wasted 30 mins typing this. but I just feel.....empty again....I miss talking to my friends, people in my circle...not the people I had to act like I'm not and to be professional all the time.....it just ain't living....

you know?

but

thanks for reading

just because you are older.....

Since I was young I hate my elder brother to the core, he treated me like a liability and never been a brother at all, for all he did was his own entertainment and wit. I was a bit odd child back then, rarely socialized, lock myself in my room reading comic books rather than talking to my other cousin. I don't really look forward to family reunion or anything similar it just really noisy and I don't feel comfortable. I was playing with my cousin and his friends for the game of hide and seek, it was great, then my brother joined in and ruined it by calling me names and treated me like an ass. It was too hard for me that I went home after they called me a ghost for nothing...eventually left my cousins and friends hiding by themselves and I returned to my isolation area.

My elder brother mistreatment continue through my high school, I was never too close to them as they are more or less like a school star back then and I rather keep mine low-profile. As weird and odd I was in high school, I was quite anti-social and less people thought we are siblings, only close friends and people from our area know. At home I keep myself in my room and rarely talk to my family. How I discovered drawing as way to escape my harsh reality was ironically introduced through comic book my brother gave me. I was completely in my own world when I draw and it was the only thing I thought I have full control.

At this point, I was rather feel secure and satisfy but then my grandmother took insulin for her diabetic condition and the result was devastating. The insulin made her more forgetful and short-tempered, it started parallel to my form 6 year. Her short-tempered put me in miserable position, she took every-mistake as a way to provoke bigger argument blame anyone everything, disobey her unruling command was something that put you into unsettled state of mind. As a result I was depressed for 2 year, it was hard for me to keep a good grades and contain myself, my brother didn't see how miserable I was back then and how hard for me every afternoon and some night have to indulge my grandmother's fury.

But, when he went to UK for his study nothing spell like freedom and relief but it come with price, now that there's no one change the night shift to look after my grandmother, I have to be with her every night. I can't sleep well, I can't study well, my grades was pulling me down and I was blaming my myself and my grandmother when I saw how terrible I got for my A level exam.

for a year I was in Hostel and away from my grandmother's angst, and free from my brother. After he went home, I was happy that he change but I was wrong, he just fill in the home sick he was missing for 2 years and it all went back to him. He was more disrespectful and all he ever think about is himself, he never think about people around him, he never bother what I feel. He never appreciate when I fold his cloth for him, he never seems to bother when I tired and he insisted me to make what ever food he want. When I finally do it for him he will complain that I didn't do it sincerely for him, well excuse me, but shit happened sometimes.

One of thing was when he was asked me to make him a drawing, I never like when people asking me for drawing in real life but I can't avoid him. So I accept and told him I may do it slow since I have a lot of assignments and my exam are getting near, he understood that but he never seems to care. every week I came home he physically harassed me to do his drawing, I can take a yell or two but hit me anywhere on my body is a fucking one thing I can't stand, just because he is my elder brother, that doesn't give you any fucking right to hit me and do your drawing, just because you are the commissioner, it's a breach of my own rights for someone to come on my comfort/workstation area and hit me. He does that every week whenever I came home from my hostel, after a month, I finally finished and gave it to him, but of course he believe in his "customer always right" he asked for more like I'm a god of photoshop, I was still having unfinished assignments and was doing a crucial essay when he asked me that, I was almost at my peeking point to stab someone in the eyes.

Just today, me and my elder brother sitting at the same chair and my aunt asked me to make drinks, so I pushed him away and he hit stomach and gave a big blow to my leg in front of my family, of course I don't take it that seriously as I know he like to blow some steam sometimes, so I ran to the kitchen with my mother. He followed us and shoved me away and I almost made my mother collapsed as he did that, he was screaming at me for being disrespectful and before I could stand my case, my mother was stressed again and I know it was better for me to accept my defeat and let my brother win again. I learned that I will never win any argument in the family so I keep quiet.......

Naturally surreal

How I should put these in words but when my grandmother passed away yesterday, my mind filled with endless thought, it happened way to fast and I couldn't though the angel Azraiiyl will come sooner.

Before I completely understand the world and filled my though with ignorance, my grandfather on both side of my parent died in the same year when I was 8 years old. Pretty much I was a bit traumatized with it.I remember coming home all of the sudden and saw my aunt and uncle recite their prayer. Wondering why my uncles and cousin clearing out the chairs and tables from the living room. Most of them cried, at that age I was unsure, I couldn't find my grandfather who always lying on the floor. Somehow it come to me that my grandfather no longer here, he is gone forever. I was confused back then, kissing my grandfather cold forehead, the smell of camphor and incense infusing the house for seven days, watching people lower the coffin down and bury him six feet under.

I still have my grandmother on both side, I cherished their presence as the oldest family member. However time and sickness weakened them. When my grandmother took insulin, things started to get worst, during that period I was sitting for my A level examination and for two years I was in state of depression, somehow my friends said it worsen the next two years. My grandmother become easily short-tempered, I had to put extra patience whenever I came to her house (her house was in front of us), since she's only had few granddaughter I always look after her despite how much I loathed to be in that house. I sacrificed my free time and hanging out with my friends so I could return home to look after her while my aunts and mother could have their rest. Even study was not an excuse to not obey her.

My A level result was half way good, I thought I could score better, I've confined myself for weeks and tried not to blame my grandmother for my failure. During the applying for future higher institution I was called up by scholarship department to settle things with foreign university and place to live.When my parent helping me to employ an agent to settle this as the due date are getting closed, my grandmother on father side who spending her last few days in Intensive care and was discharged few days after, passed away. I visited her a day before and watching her cold lifeless body on her bed shattered my mind, I was confused at the same time feel at ease that her suffering came to an end. I felt like God playing with fate telling me not to settle down the scholarship. My entrance to university was the best choice God had to offer me.

My grandmother on my mother side condition getting worse, her sugar become unstable and she was admitted to hospital for lack of sugar. Her sleeping condition was deteriorating, after several weeks I came home from my community outreach programme in Thailand she's become too weak to move out from her bed. Although it become easier to look after her but it's painful to see her condition, she's forgotten that I've been gone for 4 months and rarely talked. Carried her to her bedroom as she feel asleep on the couch was something that tremble my arms, she was not that heavy but my heart race as I slowly lowered her to her bed.

The day when God finally take her away was really something. I went to class with my father and somehow I drive a bit slower and there were plenty of cars that slowed down my acceleration. when we finally reached at the junction to enter my university compound, my dad received a call from my mother, I could hear she was heart broken and my father told me that he need to go back. I didn't know what happened, when my father received the second call, I can hear her crying and somehow my mind filled about my grandmother and father said I should be coming home too.

There was no words of expression, there were no need of confirmation, I was mentally prepared and physically strong to endure the fourth funeral.There was no comfort words, there were no eulogy, they have been through the death of my grandfather, there's no time for remorse. I helped clean up the living room and bathroom, I just do whatever necessary for funeral, I don't need pity, just standing by watching all these people nod in silence, giving their last respect. Everything is the same during my grandfather death but this time I come to an age where death is just natural but surreal. I saw a lifeless skeleton wrapped in thin silk and grisly hair, with the face of tranquility and that was the last image that will engrave to my mind. When night falls, my eyes twitching and dried up, my nose bleed few drops and my stomach grumbling....how long did I forget to feed it?

With the last grandparent left the world and I had no one to look after while my mother visiting family function, I feel I had too much of free time. It's funny that I don't care to use all that time I had to endure my grandmother frustration. It could be a good practice for me when my mother get older and I will be looking after her even I have to go through the same bitter sweet experience.

Thank you God for giving me this opportunity to look after my grandmother through pain and pleasure and end her pain smoothly.

Al-fatihah Hajah Jamilah binti Arsad (died in 3 September 2012) and Haji Abdul Wahab bin Imam Daud (died in 22 September 1998)

May God forgive them and us, comfort their grave and lighten their stay

some people are rude

When it come to drawing.....I just hate people offline

In reality, few I knew drawing manga/cartoons really well. Some prefer other types of arts, I rarely show my drawing unless the people appreciates it, I don't want wasting my time to impress people that speak lowly of my favourite form of art.

Drawing has been my flesh and blood since I learn how to hold pencils...I never quit drawing as it is my way of escaping some fucked up world. I draw out my feeling every time I draw and hence all my sketches are still kept inside my room for years. Disposing my old drawings means throwing away some part of me. Some people don't really understood my affection and addiction to drawing, I draw like I breadth air, it just naturally flow through my mind and veins.

In the past I don't like taking people request to draw because I will give away what I draw to someone else and never see it again. I rather draw for my mindless self indulgence so I could keep the drawing to myself. I only draw to someone else if I knew the person will appreciate and look after it.

Slowly, I crawl away from my own taboo as more people knew that I could draw well but I rather kept it a secret and lay low. Recently I made a drawing for my friends but tried my best to put any feeling on it so I won't regret it later. The drawings was a birthday gift so I won't be pressured about request and complain.

However, lately I was asked, I repeat ASKED me to draw, I was reluctant at first...but I was pressured was given money upfront to do it. Hence I made the sketch and showed to him but he was being ass telling me I'm better than this and he imagined something far more sophisticated than my own ability can imagine. So I redesigned and to whatever fuckkery he asked for and I decided to take a break from it because I need my "artistic space" but he just being fucktard and told me to it faster. This kind of attitude really slowed down my desire to continue, it's degrading my motivation and just fucked up my own personal space! This is one the reason why I don't like when people asking me to draw something, people keep asking for more, wanted to change this and that and harassing and thrashing my drawing skill (it's not even a critique). Some people don't get it! Some people thinking we drawer are heartless cold drawing machine that fixed everything, we are not some fucking god to do that!

Just FUCK YOU!

LET ME DO MY SHIT, IF YOU WANT THAT SHIT DONE

FUCK MY LIFE

I'm done venting my anger....now back to Photoshop and done that piece of shit

I rather stay at home

I don't like being in the company of my colleagues of COP that we take last semester, personally I don't hold any grudge with them....yes, I experience some irritation and bullshit but I rather not kill someone when we lived together...the chances of getting caught is just too high.

Anyway, on the group mate decided to have sungkai gathering, I rather not join since I don't like going to capital from my home and back again. It's tiresome, I even went out in the morning with mom so I'm not really keen to join. Eventually the one I'm wish not to have any interaction willingly drive me there and even after the sungkai she took me round the capital to Jp that it was my first time to come home around 11.30pm. My mom trusted her as she is a married woman and lived in the same village, furthermore, she's the one driving..I have no objection and responsibility for her fuel.

The sungkai is nice tough, but I don't like when they bitchy with the waiters and laugh out too fucking loud...sometimes I don't engage in the conversation, simply because they talk about shoes, shopping, boyfriends and other stuff that I don't really care. There's only a guy among all of us but he was busy quarrel with other girls.

Among all girls I don't wear heels, make up, proper tudong (I did wear but it was 2 days old) and wore my usual T-shirt and jeans, while they wore...something else fashionable. I did try engaging but you know, their conversation are just to normal and boring. While most of them collecting money to prepare themselves for their future with husband, I collecting money to buy new desktop for my Photoshop enthusiast, like Asus motherboard with Intel core i5 or i5 with SSD for scratch disk and Window 7 Professional as operating system, basically I'm looking for ultimate graphic workstation and by the time I said all this shit, they just said...ahhhh..

I don't have any commitment so far and desperatly looking for one, everthing comes and goes by Allah's will (in other words, I'm just too lazy to look for one) good thing my family is education oriented, so family extension can come out second. But if I don't do good for my degree, I might be force to settle down but nah...still too early hahahah

Somehow I feel like my COP colleagues look down on me for being single with no commitment so far and the fact that I was silent most of the time. I was tired okay! I remember they said that if I have a boyfriend they might thought the world will come to an end. Yeah, me either and pretty sure my mom would roll down the floor and laugh about it.

...and we went Coffee Bean for an hour, spending another hour in shoe shop and came home tired as fuck.

I seriously hope that's the last time we hang up....

A fine line

Seriously, I got nothing better to do

I've caught some seasonal flu and it feel terrible, I get pretty dizzy and tired, its a bad start for opening semester >.<

So anyway~  during our long holiday I've been anti-social and busybody at the same time, pretty sure I'm almost at the borderline stalker. Since I no longer have task like I did when I was in student body I has more time to leisure and less work. I've spent my time online, watching movie, adding few extra pound.

Due to my position in the family, I didn't take the pleasure to hang out with my friends nor learn how to drive independently~ so it kind a makes me an antisocial, I didn't protest against my parent wish to confine from over-social, hell, if God gave me scholarship overseas, I will partying like madmen

I love my parent but I rather protest it without their knowing, I was born to be ninja, every little thing that my parent hate to see me doing, I do it privately.


I even lazy enough to greet them in social network, there's something that stop me from doing it, its hard to know and understand between being antisocial and busybody especially a chat between two couples, gawd I feel like I'm eavesdropping someone conversation, I can't help it if it appear on my timeline. I end up being a "phantom" even if I'm not posting anything I just looking at other people post, like a borderline stalker.

That's all I want to talk about~

Have you heard about Cett?

Yes, I do and I heard he doing just fine. Did you know he is still madly in love with his crush?

Really? How bad?

Horrible, Cett can't forget about him and he believe that his relationship with his gf was deteriorated
His gf is such a nice lady, his family know her, they were close. Still, Cett can't stop thinking about him.

Can't he think of another man? Seriously?

I don't know, Cett said that if he keep thinking about him, he will remember how he meant to him...

it's been 2 years and he is still believe that man is his fate of love?

Yup, that how he keeping his faith

---------

Gimme some fist bitches~

I went to offering for prayer to my late friend at my secondary school and surprisingly enough my male friends shake my hands, usually men shake hand with other man and just shove a wave with female friends. Hell, even my male junior being nice to me rather than the females.

As I sit with my female friends, I kindda feel out of place, it been a while since I socialize with my female friends and I forgot how to utter young female language (I have two brother and they don't think I'm a girl)

I reflected back, my friends and I always be 'dude' with my male friends, bro fist, bromance, talking about NSFW (that makes them misunderstand that I'm a lesbian or bi, when I say I'm not they almost hit a tree; he was driving, so yeah) I relate to what men usually interested, even tough I don't know much of it, but its good to hear. I feel more comfortable with the male species more than my bitches!

In my life, I always find it hard to talk to a girl; because they talk too much, they have cliche, subtle talking. If I say something bad it going to be a black spot for first impression, girls usually never forget and forgive. When they hold grudge, they hold to their grave and haunts people! Hell I learn that female are species that are hard to understand!

Well, I'm a girl too but I live with two brothers who tackle me down, make me a training puppet with an excuse to learn self-defense. I remember I drank my brother favourite drink and he fold my body like a contortionist and sit on my overfold body, there's more but it's too violent to share, C'est la vie~

I like meeting new people but I rather not meet with someone who not open the different idea of feminine and masculine, I have few friends who shocked to my behavior that act more manly than their boyfriends and the dudes, its either they accept it or reject the whole idea. Thankfully the dudes are open with my manly behavior (just one of few reason I will never have any boyfriend unless they are gay and fully known that I have female body). Some of the girls still trying to accept but I'm okay with that, I learn how to adapt to different people and situation, even to awkward situation....damn, I just hate awkwardness!

Thankfully I meet people I could totally relate without any awkward, most of my closed friends accept my unorthodox behavior, little judgmental is good sometimes, just a little~

It's hard you know....

Few days ago a friend of mine died, we haven't spoke since we went to MOE for scholarship issues. We still connected through facebook and saw his pictures he took in Kent, I'm glad that he was having fun there, live his life and enjoy halloween with make-up on his face. Whenever we talk on facebook there always hint of NSFW jokes, good time.

His sister told me he will be back home soon, I was excited and hoping to catch up on him soon or just stumble on each other whenever fate want us to meet.

The news of his death took hard on me, I was shock and stunned that I believe this was a fucking mistake or a dream that I'm having or some prank he up to. However it is the fact that was left in his home was his lifeless body. I was afraid to attend his funeral because I will slap his cold face and shake his body thinking he was still joking, if he want to see me cry and beg for him, he will have them! I don't care, just open your eyes and laugh at me!

After that I didn't feeling well (I'm not sick or facially sad, deep down I was a bit broken), my parent didn't saw how down I was for couple of days. I treasure my friendship and friends even if just for few minutes, even the friendship break by time, seeing them live their life is enough for me.

What I regret before he died was that I didn't have the chance say 'Welcome back'

So I say it now 'Welcome back, Qim...and here is a piece of drawing that you wanted to see and I want to show it off to you'

I will never grow up

I may look like a total grown up and age that hit so called awesome 21 but I'm still in hand of overly protected worried parent.

when I was 16, I never hanging out with my friends only limit to school, I accept the fate despite most of friends were all hanging out and leaving was acceptable, they understand it and I have to sit at home dong nothing but to socialize with my family and I don't have a cousin or anyone as close to my age to talk to during weekend. That was probably why I cherished my school life more than be at home.

when I entered Uni, finally my parent release me and I was wild out to wonder with friends and my brother who are more than nothing to do but to take me out for movie or just filling their boring time. The only problem I had was I need to return home every week with no exception, I can drive but my parent reluctant to let me drive solo. Once I returned home, I have limited permission to hang out with my friends, its understandable, being the youngest and the only daughter was really hard life. I slip this one through =_="

Recently, my parent allow me to drive solo to Tutong which was a big step for me since I was only allowed to drive with escort in my village and from UBD. It was great experince and thank God I didn't hit anyone or anything. when I returned home, my father was a bit worried that I could drive on my own because he said I will go out often, like what~ dad, I'm 21! I thought you're the one who insist to mom to let me drive on my own! Even mum is heavenly sleeping while I drive alone to Tutong.

Then there's a time I want to buy a table, my former table was demolished completely (because it was rotten by termites and I 'm just helping speeding it up). Since I spent most of my time at my dorm I figured that a small table is just fine for me

it was bit like this but more simpler

Then, I have no place to put my other electronic stuff and I have tons of gadget and I need to put my precious printer in a proper place, so I decided to look for a simple decent table like these:

I mean I don't mind if I have this table! as long I could put my laptop and printer in a proper place!

Then when we went to the furniture retailer, my dad was persisting to buy a very big table! It cost 4 times the money I withdraw to but a simple table, he said he will pay it for me as long as the table was his own choice, I was reluctant at first because it was fucking big and I have a small fucking room but both my parent insist and I have to let them pay a gigantic table for me. I thanked them but I feel my adulthood somehow slowly rotted....I dunno maybe I'm just an asshole

This the real pic of my table

Forever be my parent little kid

Too much of streotyping could kill you

This is for someone I know.....

Another bullshit rant; few years ago, but not too far back, that will make me very old, people know me for being the emo/goth/weird/freaky kid. I admit that I was not that extrovert back then and keeping handful of friends so that I won't be in 'lone wolf' status all the time.
But my classmates were cool and didn't think that difference didn't break us apart, it make us one helluva wrecking badass class.

Anyway, I have this particular friend that I feel offended and not someone that I want to talk to, actually its more like whenever I talk to her my IQ drop dead. Say, I name this person as 'plastic bitch'. This person was all nice and kind to everyone, which is a good thing because I was a terrible jerk back then and maybe still now. This 'plastic bitch' and I were not really a close friend of mine, rather a classmate that happened to be in the same sort of group. Although 'plastic bitch' was really happy-go-lucky, this person has say something that I really really feel dump. I was holding a picture of my classmate that was slightly photoshop and the conversation goes like this:

Me: haha, damn, she looks like that girl, um..... who that new artist that sing (some song that I forgot the title but it was a pop genre song)
Plastic bitch: you mean a goth singer or something?
Me: *poker face*

Honestly I don't know any goth singer or band back then, except Evanescene, I was am into all rock band. Fyi, I also listen to pop music.

So yeah, I'm sorry that I'm not 'goth' enough for you to streotype me. Probably you spent way too much with people of your league that you somehow forgot 'goth' people also listen to different song genres.

Maybe the person is too ignorant or dumb or not in full shilling, I don't know and I rather not care anymore and thank God that I don't have to be with this plastic bitch anymore

I'm not saying names or pointing fingers, if you feel offended by this then go screw youself. If you are the 'plastic bitch' and read this rant then I'm glad that we are no longer connected, so please don't try to leave message (this is not a request.....This is a fucking order)

Anime Review: Blue exorcist

First, let me be in my fan girl mode first......RIIIIIINNNNNN!!!!! <3


It been a while since I watch some good anime that didn't involve these

-girls with spoiled attitude and sexual object
-male character who supposed to be the main character are useless
-too many boobs or fan service
-too cliche
-blah blah blah yada yada

for example: Esther from Trinity Blood

"oh, I'm so innocent and fragile, why is everybody love me? why he never want me? oh my I hurt, help me please~"

okay, I don't like her! But the anime was good!

I saw plenty of Blue exorcist fanart around DeviantART and I decided to open my heart for some anime and it was pretty good!

The element presence in the anime really suited to my weirdassfetish of brotherhood, fatherhood, sanctity, paranormal and twin brother. As always my favourite character have to die, ALWAYS!

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

*spoiler*

Anyway, the anime is about a teenage boy name Rin who live in a monastery with his family. Rin, the main protagonist of the story is kind-hearted boy with some attitude and people didn't like him because of his unearthly power and ability. Only the worker, his father and brother understand and love him. Little that he know that he actually have demonic blood flowing through his veins and a human body. His 'REAL' father come to earth and wanted to take him but he refuse because he wanted to protect human (good kid) and now he become a full demon and become exorcist.

Introducing Rin, the main character

In the first episode, there is some sensation of Western aura that might involve in the anime despite the main character attend regular Japanese middle school and struggling with his future after he finished his middle school. He was raised in a monestry and have a twin brother who is more smarter than him but love him as much.

Yukio, the main character younger twin brother

So here you got some loving family with lovely neighbourhood, a brat who is really good at heart but find it hard to make people like him.

Ah.....Harmony...

and then bang! Demons come and wanted to take Rin to Hell

just another good day turn bad in anime world

...somewhere in my heart I knew his father have to die, every movie or drama must have a "stresser" to make it interesting no?

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Too bad, I like his father, he remind me of Father Anderson of Hellsing

Hell yeah! Not your average Reverend

or maybe because of the glasses :9

I like pious old men who know how to kick some demon ass =D

The brotherhood is very interesting, its not your average twin brother from Ouran High School Host Club Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin or some brotherhood of long battle trying to kill each other like Itatchi and Sasuke or Cain and Abel

(all hail brotherhood!)

(Hikaru and Kaoru)

umm...it's bromance....

 umm....still a bromance....

OMG, INCEST! 

Okay, it just a fanart.....don't get me wrong I love incest but they only exist in fantasy, just fantasy! I can't bare myself if it exist in real human form! It just wrong! No way!

Itatchi and Sasuke was first like....

and then they were all like....

and Itatchi was...

....in the end they were all...

EMO

If you know the Bible story of Abel and Cain, Trinity Blood have the story more or less the same, there is no love between them, just two twin brother try to kill each other

Although Rin and Yukio have strong bonding, Rin didn't want to get his brother involved in his conflict as both have different personality and status in their school. There are some friction between them but they managed to solve it anyway, in the end Rin and Yukio just have some silly issues between brothers but they are protecting each other.

You know what like brothers are like~

Rin and Yukio shared the same room in their dorm so it's easier for Yukio to check on his demon brother

Some argument on Yukio position as exorcist but Rin didn't know it up until their father death

Rin: I’ll eat it!

Yukio: Nii-san, are you all right?

Rin: Granny is calling me…

Yukio: What?! We never even met her! Wait, don’t you dare follow her!

Maybe, brotherhood turn me on, I dunno, I just like brotherhood~

wait, too early? XD

......and I really like their relationship with their father, he love his two son unconditionally and treat them with love (in his way)

NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Overall this anime is great, the main character have the promising charisma and personality that will make the anime interesting. The chemestry between characters are also dynamic and make me wanted to watch the episode more. The story itself is entertaining, all and all its worth to watch for whole season and I hope they could make another season and continue to be this great

I gave it 3/5

P/S: it's only air 6 episodes, so I want to see the development of this anime =)


Okay, I'm in my fan girl mood over these series because its been a while since I watch a good anime =D

Top 10 Myths about Introverts

Found this on Tumblr and reblogged them here since most of Tumblr user tend to use small fonts, I managed to dig down the sources.

So yeah, this stuff is so hard to ignore and I really love to share it around.

Source: carlkingcreative

Top 10 Myths about Introverts

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

I study better with the presence of human than monkeys and ghost, you?

eat someone!

Some people expect too much from us, especially when I lived in a society that expect more than just regular ABC and 123, heck I lived in an environment that entertainments are fucking social illness. My teenhood was among trouble anti-social teen case and partly due that nobody seems to care about my interest.

In my Universities, I never realize how I felt like prison until I went to New Zealand and there I stay at Queen’s street for 4 days. Luckily we were very close to a University there and foreigners are common to the local. Not exactly that I really want to focus on, what I like about it was that the University was really close to hustle bustle of the crowd, there was cinema, restaurant, bookshops, hotels, grocery stores, hell, there’s even a hall for concert! Everything was within walking distance! What really great about the university was that the area was not entirely prison of all study and no fun; there are some other thing that makes you enjoy, live, life, rejoice the University life. I mean, if we just meant to study everyday without entertainment then we are nothing but a computer that save data and all that. Here, it was hard enough to arrive at nearby shop without car and the closest entertainments I get in my campus compound are my laptop, my broadband and my drawings.

Taken from my old blog in 365, yeah, Queen Street is a cool town

So yeah, I feel betrayed when my lecture told me that, uni-life was wonderful and awesome. Well, I enjoyed that few months after my brain chained with assignments. I mean, was entertainments something to grab with too much effort? It cheap but took a lot of fucking effort to enjoy it. If I didn't went home every week I might as well turn myself upside down, walking on top of the roof or even date with some monkey in the campus.

That just another problem why the quantity of cars keep increasing in Brunei (apart from cheap price), not everything come within walking distance and some shops are really close to main road that well, makes you vulnerable and embarrassed to walk with. I myself didn't drive car to UBD and if I did I went out relieving my stress like nobody business and think about gas money later. It is stressful enough that once you step out of the campuses building you see; well, another lecture buildings.

Some may say that what if the students in campus will go ahead party instead of studying, for the love of God, uni students are adults who are old enough to think and make choice; we know when to enjoy life and when to study hard and work our ass for assignments. Probably there is also some may argued that not all people agreed that some students couldn't work better in hustle bustle condition of the city or town. Well of course certain compound of our uni is quite enough that only the sound of wind and monkey swinging around from trees to trees can reach (yes, my RC and library).

I’m not just talking about for the sake of stress relieve, I’m also wanted to point out that while not all student in our uni have cars to mobilize around and have to sacrifice “water face” to ask for friends help, it also convenient enough for the admin to let another grocery shop to be establish within the compound for the sake of the RC residents.

My mother told me that in their hostel, they have this small shop for the residents to buy food, kitchen utensils and even stationeries! And the awesome part is they are not even uni students! Why? Oh why we don’t have this? Do they think that all uni have cars and just the existences of small shops are waste of time and space? Wait, oh yeah, we do have that, but it close after dark..oh never mind. Most probably they just thought about the parking space for the convocation and when that happen, the compound will occupied with oh so many  cars like during the major slavery trade from Africa.

Yes, its cruel, imagine the people inside are cars, that going to happen when big event pop-up in Brunei

Then again, I don't know the reason why they isolate us from the town or a bit far to reach another community, I'm just sayin...