screw your good deed!

Aside from my lack of social interaction with fellow human, I realized that whenever we did something good or beneficial to individual or society, it was either left unrecognized or people doesn't seem to bother. A quote said that "The problem of punctuality is that nobody is there to appreciate it." I always been punctual, I don't like being late nor do I want people to wait. How could they be okay with being late? I mean we already have the stereotype of "Malay promise" which mean if they say to come at 7.30am, they will get ready to wake up at 7.30am and be there at 8.45am.

I myself have been suffered this social virus a lot. I rarely talk about my achievement because my society believes that it is impolite to talk about your pride too much. People will think that you are too ego. So I keep my decency and people didn't know much about me but they know all my bad (truth or simply made up) even if I didn't show them.

Being in university in my family is a good thing and I rarely talk about it unless I'm with my cousin who shared the same place as they understand how the lives inside that pithole like. Whenever I come to family gathering, I was always mistaken as being in the secondary school or already find a job rather than continue my study.

I did good deed like picking up the rubbish in my best dress and clean the my school area voluntarily and no one seems to bother. I don't mind tough since I do it without actually draw people attention. I also do whatever shit my mom throw at me and she only acknowledge only that time and when I did something wrong, she will remember it most of the time.

That probably why some people rather do bad stuff to bring attention to the individual and good deed left wasted and forgotten in time.

My Chemical Romance for 4 fucking years [Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys]

Its official that My Chemical Romance had their fourth album announced, I was only late by 2 or 3 hours when the official release the trailer. Blame me for not waking up early XO

Previously on their First album "I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love" was mostly on the dark side and it didn't make them into the mainstream. I myself find it hard to actually listen the lyrics clearly. Later it was due to Gerard suffered from abscess. The song inside the album not really that despair, one song entitled "Skylines and Turnstiles" was inspired when Gerard witness the 9/11 incident. I thought the concept of the album are mostly vampire theme, it also compromise more classical theme.

The second album brought world attention when "Helena" was released. At the same time they are also labelled as emo and gothic. "Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge" according to frontman Gerard Way, the album uses a metaphorical, fictional horror story, inspired by the band's love for horror movies and comic books, to tell their own feelings about the world and the band. Way says the story tells of a character who was killed by gunfire, and makes a deal with the Devil to see his lover again, but must first bring the "souls of a thousand evil men" to Hell.

With the promising future ahead of My Chemical Romance, their third album "The Black Parade" has taken over many part of the world. The theme are mostly opera and the scene after death. It is also compromised of Gerard story when he saw the parade. However it was criticized as most of the song followed the tuned of old rock band and didn't show their own originality.

After 4 year being accused as promoting suicide, emo label and bad influence, the band finally create their fourth album that was more colourful than their previous album. The trailer has shown the fun, comic, colourful side of the band. It was either bring them a good review, new evolution of music or divide the fans as some fans still prefer their old black, white and red colour.

After 3 album saving many fans, the band are now try showing their fanboy side of comic book to the fans.

I don't mind, I myself are very random person and I glad that MCR finally took some colour but this time they go Punk and kick someone ass to save the world. My thought was that they want to make this album different for their kids, both Gerard and Frank are proud parent for their little girl.

My fantasy when I saw the trailer is that they would collaborate with Jrock, (Hyde or Vamps or L'arc en Ciel =3) since it was all cosplay, making the surreal comic with eccentric outfit alive, with some touch of west style anime.

Yes, I like woah O_O (pervert)

This they say the ladyboy, I like him! Hard to find a ladyboy who know how to kick ass in totally awesome way!!!

I thought it was chick when I saw this!!!

I was like, it's you Gerard? =.=" he become too slimmer!!!

Mikey really need more luck than that XD

"yo bitch, we are back and this time we will kill those Daily Mail fuckers with ray gun" or "did you say we are emo?"

Understanding the complexity

It's part of growing up to question everything even if your existence does matter to anyone or the universe, or even if God were there for you.

I experienced this complexity of whether God necessarily 2 years ago, but I question my existence and God when I was around 10 years old. I don’t blame my parent, my father is a devoted Muslim who always goes to Mosque and my mother is a religious teacher. I believe in God because I am born as Muslim, learning religious matter with all my heart. I want to ask someone why should I be born, what if I was born as someone else and if God want me here that what His purpose? If I were to ask these questions I may perform blasphemy.

I looked and read religious book to answer these question, for years I perform my responsibility as Muslim, somewhere along there I ask if God were exist then why His rule limit my performance?

Then I entered pre-U and I thought that if I could learn Muslim Theology I may understand Allah even more, but the course was cancelled and I left wondering. During this years I have confront with many problems and obstacle, I have family issues that distract my studies, trouble of growing up that I had to face it alone as I was not that close to my parent back then. I spend my time mostly to my friends and studies.

When my A level result out I was devastated and heart-broken, I failed my parent and myself, I could have a great result if God were to hand me help to push me. However He always give what best for me, my parent comfort me, my family support me in every step to ease the pain in my heart. I realized that I have left something important out and take it for granted. My parent pray every day for the sake of our future and my brothers will have a promising future but what should I do to make my parent proud. My mother always told me that she sacrifices her studies in UBD to look after us. She prays that one of us could study there one day to believe her sacrifice was worth it.

Allah help through and I thank Him for giving an opportunity to continue my studies further. The questions still sided deep in my heart. Then a course helps me answer all these questions were through learning Muslim Philosophy. I learned the need of God existence, our existence. How His rule doesn’t redistrict our performance, it was up to each Muslim to understand the true meaning from Quran and Muhammad words. What we do should be for the sake of Allah, not obstructing other’s provision and not against Syari’ah Law. I understand Islam and Allah more through this course. We are not to perform religious things because people said we need and should to, but to become a better Muslim.

When we pray to Allah, it may not directly fulfill, He may send something to help us out. We should learn to listen, to satisfy what God has gave us and never to take it for granted, not everyone as lucky as other people. We also need to open our heart and take notice of small things; even that small thing has nothing to do with us because sometimes ignorance is selfish. Take time to thank Allah for what he gave us. Even if we didn’t get what we want, Allah gives other alternative for improvement and opportunity.

Allah knows best =)

Obsession and the cult

“OMG, OMG, he is so damn cute, I’m in love”

“marry me PWEEEZEEE”

..and you got the idea, it do refers to those fan-girl that obsessed to Twilight and believe that Vampire will not harm you and fart rainbow, thankfully I don’t have such friend like that…OH GOD PLEASE DON'T MAKE THAT HAPPEN!!!!!

Do you know there this type of fan-girl who devoted shrines in their closets and candle lit ceremonies of worship to their favorite movie/stupid reality TV show/My So-Called Life character/band; A person with extreme infatuation and fixation to pointless real-life person that actually acknowledge them if they ever exist . . . Only in their wildest Fan Girl dreams. I mean I join this fan base in the internet and all of them freaking me up!!!

A friend of mine was also fan of this phenomenon and she never talks much about it, she stated only few accounts in her Twitter, Facebook and blog. At least I know she like them so much and would cry if she missed their interview or show in TV. I guess that okay I guess...who know I 'm just a mild-core fan. I mean I will fuck shit of anybody if they tried to change my favourite music that played in MTV with cooking channel.

What irritates me more is that even though most of fan-girls I know are consider as adult, they always think they are 16 years old girl and from what I see, an attention seeker. Pretend to be naïve and independent at the same time, pretend of not knowing something and act like an innocent little girl. Talking how much they love this particular band and forget that ‘hello, I got some stuff to do!’

An intelligent fan girl (I’m not talking about me, it’s another friend) will praise them and at the same time making fun of them and even mocking their weakness. Really, it’s not a religion or saint that sent from heaven to be worship. Anime/cartoon character, TV personalities, celebrities are entertainers to amuse and entertain us. You know, to add some colour and laugh in our life. The extra things after that is up to the people; either to create new religion or just become a fan to show how much we appreciate their work as entertainer. Buying merchandises are actually the work of their manager to manipulate marketing to drain our wallet. I’m not telling to stop buying merchandise, it also a way to show appreciation to them. If they produce music, then we should buy their original CDs. No shit really I did find cult for a particular rock band and even cult for Apple.

What I want clear things out is RESPECT. I’m following one of the classic etiquette; virtue and incorruptibility. A good fan-girl will appreciate their friends if they don’t like certain things, which what friend is all about. You can’t force anyone to like what you like, people are different, and they have their own reason not to like it. I have high morality when it comes to respect, if no one respect me that fuck you for me to respect.

I hope someday, these fan girl understand what other are feeling when they started to open their mouth. and FYI Gerard Way is already marry with Lynz from Mindless Self-Indulgence and have a fine daughter called Bandit, suck it bitch!

My lost thought

Salam, creeping human

If anyone find, it this is my second dominant blog after my 365's project. I miss writing my POV and since my 365 are too public especially my family, and hence I create this.

I also try to keep this site low and anonymous, if anyone find out who I am, shit the stuff out, it's not that I want to keep it secret, I just want to lay low~

...and no I'm not going to talk something bad about someone behind their back, I just want to express my view, perspective, feeling or emotion maybe, if I have one.....

Anyway....the reason for this is....I don't know....maybe you could find it for me, I couldn't find mine. Sometimes there is a thing that don't have a reason and even if there is, it just an excuse to point out your reason.