some people are rude

When it come to drawing.....I just hate people offline

In reality, few I knew drawing manga/cartoons really well. Some prefer other types of arts, I rarely show my drawing unless the people appreciates it, I don't want wasting my time to impress people that speak lowly of my favourite form of art.

Drawing has been my flesh and blood since I learn how to hold pencils...I never quit drawing as it is my way of escaping some fucked up world. I draw out my feeling every time I draw and hence all my sketches are still kept inside my room for years. Disposing my old drawings means throwing away some part of me. Some people don't really understood my affection and addiction to drawing, I draw like I breadth air, it just naturally flow through my mind and veins.

In the past I don't like taking people request to draw because I will give away what I draw to someone else and never see it again. I rather draw for my mindless self indulgence so I could keep the drawing to myself. I only draw to someone else if I knew the person will appreciate and look after it.

Slowly, I crawl away from my own taboo as more people knew that I could draw well but I rather kept it a secret and lay low. Recently I made a drawing for my friends but tried my best to put any feeling on it so I won't regret it later. The drawings was a birthday gift so I won't be pressured about request and complain.

However, lately I was asked, I repeat ASKED me to draw, I was reluctant at first...but I was pressured was given money upfront to do it. Hence I made the sketch and showed to him but he was being ass telling me I'm better than this and he imagined something far more sophisticated than my own ability can imagine. So I redesigned and to whatever fuckkery he asked for and I decided to take a break from it because I need my "artistic space" but he just being fucktard and told me to it faster. This kind of attitude really slowed down my desire to continue, it's degrading my motivation and just fucked up my own personal space! This is one the reason why I don't like when people asking me to draw something, people keep asking for more, wanted to change this and that and harassing and thrashing my drawing skill (it's not even a critique). Some people don't get it! Some people thinking we drawer are heartless cold drawing machine that fixed everything, we are not some fucking god to do that!

Just FUCK YOU!

LET ME DO MY SHIT, IF YOU WANT THAT SHIT DONE

FUCK MY LIFE

I'm done venting my anger....now back to Photoshop and done that piece of shit

I rather stay at home

I don't like being in the company of my colleagues of COP that we take last semester, personally I don't hold any grudge with them....yes, I experience some irritation and bullshit but I rather not kill someone when we lived together...the chances of getting caught is just too high.

Anyway, on the group mate decided to have sungkai gathering, I rather not join since I don't like going to capital from my home and back again. It's tiresome, I even went out in the morning with mom so I'm not really keen to join. Eventually the one I'm wish not to have any interaction willingly drive me there and even after the sungkai she took me round the capital to Jp that it was my first time to come home around 11.30pm. My mom trusted her as she is a married woman and lived in the same village, furthermore, she's the one driving..I have no objection and responsibility for her fuel.

The sungkai is nice tough, but I don't like when they bitchy with the waiters and laugh out too fucking loud...sometimes I don't engage in the conversation, simply because they talk about shoes, shopping, boyfriends and other stuff that I don't really care. There's only a guy among all of us but he was busy quarrel with other girls.

Among all girls I don't wear heels, make up, proper tudong (I did wear but it was 2 days old) and wore my usual T-shirt and jeans, while they wore...something else fashionable. I did try engaging but you know, their conversation are just to normal and boring. While most of them collecting money to prepare themselves for their future with husband, I collecting money to buy new desktop for my Photoshop enthusiast, like Asus motherboard with Intel core i5 or i5 with SSD for scratch disk and Window 7 Professional as operating system, basically I'm looking for ultimate graphic workstation and by the time I said all this shit, they just said...ahhhh..

I don't have any commitment so far and desperatly looking for one, everthing comes and goes by Allah's will (in other words, I'm just too lazy to look for one) good thing my family is education oriented, so family extension can come out second. But if I don't do good for my degree, I might be force to settle down but nah...still too early hahahah

Somehow I feel like my COP colleagues look down on me for being single with no commitment so far and the fact that I was silent most of the time. I was tired okay! I remember they said that if I have a boyfriend they might thought the world will come to an end. Yeah, me either and pretty sure my mom would roll down the floor and laugh about it.

...and we went Coffee Bean for an hour, spending another hour in shoe shop and came home tired as fuck.

I seriously hope that's the last time we hang up....

A fine line

Seriously, I got nothing better to do

I've caught some seasonal flu and it feel terrible, I get pretty dizzy and tired, its a bad start for opening semester >.<

So anyway~  during our long holiday I've been anti-social and busybody at the same time, pretty sure I'm almost at the borderline stalker. Since I no longer have task like I did when I was in student body I has more time to leisure and less work. I've spent my time online, watching movie, adding few extra pound.

Due to my position in the family, I didn't take the pleasure to hang out with my friends nor learn how to drive independently~ so it kind a makes me an antisocial, I didn't protest against my parent wish to confine from over-social, hell, if God gave me scholarship overseas, I will partying like madmen

I love my parent but I rather protest it without their knowing, I was born to be ninja, every little thing that my parent hate to see me doing, I do it privately.


I even lazy enough to greet them in social network, there's something that stop me from doing it, its hard to know and understand between being antisocial and busybody especially a chat between two couples, gawd I feel like I'm eavesdropping someone conversation, I can't help it if it appear on my timeline. I end up being a "phantom" even if I'm not posting anything I just looking at other people post, like a borderline stalker.

That's all I want to talk about~

Have you heard about Cett?

Yes, I do and I heard he doing just fine. Did you know he is still madly in love with his crush?

Really? How bad?

Horrible, Cett can't forget about him and he believe that his relationship with his gf was deteriorated
His gf is such a nice lady, his family know her, they were close. Still, Cett can't stop thinking about him.

Can't he think of another man? Seriously?

I don't know, Cett said that if he keep thinking about him, he will remember how he meant to him...

it's been 2 years and he is still believe that man is his fate of love?

Yup, that how he keeping his faith

---------

Gimme some fist bitches~

I went to offering for prayer to my late friend at my secondary school and surprisingly enough my male friends shake my hands, usually men shake hand with other man and just shove a wave with female friends. Hell, even my male junior being nice to me rather than the females.

As I sit with my female friends, I kindda feel out of place, it been a while since I socialize with my female friends and I forgot how to utter young female language (I have two brother and they don't think I'm a girl)

I reflected back, my friends and I always be 'dude' with my male friends, bro fist, bromance, talking about NSFW (that makes them misunderstand that I'm a lesbian or bi, when I say I'm not they almost hit a tree; he was driving, so yeah) I relate to what men usually interested, even tough I don't know much of it, but its good to hear. I feel more comfortable with the male species more than my bitches!

In my life, I always find it hard to talk to a girl; because they talk too much, they have cliche, subtle talking. If I say something bad it going to be a black spot for first impression, girls usually never forget and forgive. When they hold grudge, they hold to their grave and haunts people! Hell I learn that female are species that are hard to understand!

Well, I'm a girl too but I live with two brothers who tackle me down, make me a training puppet with an excuse to learn self-defense. I remember I drank my brother favourite drink and he fold my body like a contortionist and sit on my overfold body, there's more but it's too violent to share, C'est la vie~

I like meeting new people but I rather not meet with someone who not open the different idea of feminine and masculine, I have few friends who shocked to my behavior that act more manly than their boyfriends and the dudes, its either they accept it or reject the whole idea. Thankfully the dudes are open with my manly behavior (just one of few reason I will never have any boyfriend unless they are gay and fully known that I have female body). Some of the girls still trying to accept but I'm okay with that, I learn how to adapt to different people and situation, even to awkward situation....damn, I just hate awkwardness!

Thankfully I meet people I could totally relate without any awkward, most of my closed friends accept my unorthodox behavior, little judgmental is good sometimes, just a little~

It's hard you know....

Few days ago a friend of mine died, we haven't spoke since we went to MOE for scholarship issues. We still connected through facebook and saw his pictures he took in Kent, I'm glad that he was having fun there, live his life and enjoy halloween with make-up on his face. Whenever we talk on facebook there always hint of NSFW jokes, good time.

His sister told me he will be back home soon, I was excited and hoping to catch up on him soon or just stumble on each other whenever fate want us to meet.

The news of his death took hard on me, I was shock and stunned that I believe this was a fucking mistake or a dream that I'm having or some prank he up to. However it is the fact that was left in his home was his lifeless body. I was afraid to attend his funeral because I will slap his cold face and shake his body thinking he was still joking, if he want to see me cry and beg for him, he will have them! I don't care, just open your eyes and laugh at me!

After that I didn't feeling well (I'm not sick or facially sad, deep down I was a bit broken), my parent didn't saw how down I was for couple of days. I treasure my friendship and friends even if just for few minutes, even the friendship break by time, seeing them live their life is enough for me.

What I regret before he died was that I didn't have the chance say 'Welcome back'

So I say it now 'Welcome back, Qim...and here is a piece of drawing that you wanted to see and I want to show it off to you'

I will never grow up

I may look like a total grown up and age that hit so called awesome 21 but I'm still in hand of overly protected worried parent.

when I was 16, I never hanging out with my friends only limit to school, I accept the fate despite most of friends were all hanging out and leaving was acceptable, they understand it and I have to sit at home dong nothing but to socialize with my family and I don't have a cousin or anyone as close to my age to talk to during weekend. That was probably why I cherished my school life more than be at home.

when I entered Uni, finally my parent release me and I was wild out to wonder with friends and my brother who are more than nothing to do but to take me out for movie or just filling their boring time. The only problem I had was I need to return home every week with no exception, I can drive but my parent reluctant to let me drive solo. Once I returned home, I have limited permission to hang out with my friends, its understandable, being the youngest and the only daughter was really hard life. I slip this one through =_="

Recently, my parent allow me to drive solo to Tutong which was a big step for me since I was only allowed to drive with escort in my village and from UBD. It was great experince and thank God I didn't hit anyone or anything. when I returned home, my father was a bit worried that I could drive on my own because he said I will go out often, like what~ dad, I'm 21! I thought you're the one who insist to mom to let me drive on my own! Even mum is heavenly sleeping while I drive alone to Tutong.

Then there's a time I want to buy a table, my former table was demolished completely (because it was rotten by termites and I 'm just helping speeding it up). Since I spent most of my time at my dorm I figured that a small table is just fine for me

it was bit like this but more simpler

Then, I have no place to put my other electronic stuff and I have tons of gadget and I need to put my precious printer in a proper place, so I decided to look for a simple decent table like these:

I mean I don't mind if I have this table! as long I could put my laptop and printer in a proper place!

Then when we went to the furniture retailer, my dad was persisting to buy a very big table! It cost 4 times the money I withdraw to but a simple table, he said he will pay it for me as long as the table was his own choice, I was reluctant at first because it was fucking big and I have a small fucking room but both my parent insist and I have to let them pay a gigantic table for me. I thanked them but I feel my adulthood somehow slowly rotted....I dunno maybe I'm just an asshole

This the real pic of my table

Forever be my parent little kid