Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Understanding the complexity

It's part of growing up to question everything even if your existence does matter to anyone or the universe, or even if God were there for you.

I experienced this complexity of whether God necessarily 2 years ago, but I question my existence and God when I was around 10 years old. I don’t blame my parent, my father is a devoted Muslim who always goes to Mosque and my mother is a religious teacher. I believe in God because I am born as Muslim, learning religious matter with all my heart. I want to ask someone why should I be born, what if I was born as someone else and if God want me here that what His purpose? If I were to ask these questions I may perform blasphemy.

I looked and read religious book to answer these question, for years I perform my responsibility as Muslim, somewhere along there I ask if God were exist then why His rule limit my performance?

Then I entered pre-U and I thought that if I could learn Muslim Theology I may understand Allah even more, but the course was cancelled and I left wondering. During this years I have confront with many problems and obstacle, I have family issues that distract my studies, trouble of growing up that I had to face it alone as I was not that close to my parent back then. I spend my time mostly to my friends and studies.

When my A level result out I was devastated and heart-broken, I failed my parent and myself, I could have a great result if God were to hand me help to push me. However He always give what best for me, my parent comfort me, my family support me in every step to ease the pain in my heart. I realized that I have left something important out and take it for granted. My parent pray every day for the sake of our future and my brothers will have a promising future but what should I do to make my parent proud. My mother always told me that she sacrifices her studies in UBD to look after us. She prays that one of us could study there one day to believe her sacrifice was worth it.

Allah help through and I thank Him for giving an opportunity to continue my studies further. The questions still sided deep in my heart. Then a course helps me answer all these questions were through learning Muslim Philosophy. I learned the need of God existence, our existence. How His rule doesn’t redistrict our performance, it was up to each Muslim to understand the true meaning from Quran and Muhammad words. What we do should be for the sake of Allah, not obstructing other’s provision and not against Syari’ah Law. I understand Islam and Allah more through this course. We are not to perform religious things because people said we need and should to, but to become a better Muslim.

When we pray to Allah, it may not directly fulfill, He may send something to help us out. We should learn to listen, to satisfy what God has gave us and never to take it for granted, not everyone as lucky as other people. We also need to open our heart and take notice of small things; even that small thing has nothing to do with us because sometimes ignorance is selfish. Take time to thank Allah for what he gave us. Even if we didn’t get what we want, Allah gives other alternative for improvement and opportunity.

Allah knows best =)