Saturday, August 25, 2012

some people are rude

When it come to drawing.....I just hate people offline

In reality, few I knew drawing manga/cartoons really well. Some prefer other types of arts, I rarely show my drawing unless the people appreciates it, I don't want wasting my time to impress people that speak lowly of my favourite form of art.

Drawing has been my flesh and blood since I learn how to hold pencils...I never quit drawing as it is my way of escaping some fucked up world. I draw out my feeling every time I draw and hence all my sketches are still kept inside my room for years. Disposing my old drawings means throwing away some part of me. Some people don't really understood my affection and addiction to drawing, I draw like I breadth air, it just naturally flow through my mind and veins.

In the past I don't like taking people request to draw because I will give away what I draw to someone else and never see it again. I rather draw for my mindless self indulgence so I could keep the drawing to myself. I only draw to someone else if I knew the person will appreciate and look after it.

Slowly, I crawl away from my own taboo as more people knew that I could draw well but I rather kept it a secret and lay low. Recently I made a drawing for my friends but tried my best to put any feeling on it so I won't regret it later. The drawings was a birthday gift so I won't be pressured about request and complain.

However, lately I was asked, I repeat ASKED me to draw, I was reluctant at first...but I was pressured was given money upfront to do it. Hence I made the sketch and showed to him but he was being ass telling me I'm better than this and he imagined something far more sophisticated than my own ability can imagine. So I redesigned and to whatever fuckkery he asked for and I decided to take a break from it because I need my "artistic space" but he just being fucktard and told me to it faster. This kind of attitude really slowed down my desire to continue, it's degrading my motivation and just fucked up my own personal space! This is one the reason why I don't like when people asking me to draw something, people keep asking for more, wanted to change this and that and harassing and thrashing my drawing skill (it's not even a critique). Some people don't get it! Some people thinking we drawer are heartless cold drawing machine that fixed everything, we are not some fucking god to do that!




I'm done venting my back to Photoshop and done that piece of shit

Saturday, August 4, 2012

I rather stay at home

I don't like being in the company of my colleagues of COP that we take last semester, personally I don't hold any grudge with them....yes, I experience some irritation and bullshit but I rather not kill someone when we lived together...the chances of getting caught is just too high.

Anyway, on the group mate decided to have sungkai gathering, I rather not join since I don't like going to capital from my home and back again. It's tiresome, I even went out in the morning with mom so I'm not really keen to join. Eventually the one I'm wish not to have any interaction willingly drive me there and even after the sungkai she took me round the capital to Jp that it was my first time to come home around 11.30pm. My mom trusted her as she is a married woman and lived in the same village, furthermore, she's the one driving..I have no objection and responsibility for her fuel.

The sungkai is nice tough, but I don't like when they bitchy with the waiters and laugh out too fucking loud...sometimes I don't engage in the conversation, simply because they talk about shoes, shopping, boyfriends and other stuff that I don't really care. There's only a guy among all of us but he was busy quarrel with other girls.

Among all girls I don't wear heels, make up, proper tudong (I did wear but it was 2 days old) and wore my usual T-shirt and jeans, while they wore...something else fashionable. I did try engaging but you know, their conversation are just to normal and boring. While most of them collecting money to prepare themselves for their future with husband, I collecting money to buy new desktop for my Photoshop enthusiast, like Asus motherboard with Intel core i5 or i5 with SSD for scratch disk and Window 7 Professional as operating system, basically I'm looking for ultimate graphic workstation and by the time I said all this shit, they just said...ahhhh..

I don't have any commitment so far and desperatly looking for one, everthing comes and goes by Allah's will (in other words, I'm just too lazy to look for one) good thing my family is education oriented, so family extension can come out second. But if I don't do good for my degree, I might be force to settle down but nah...still too early hahahah

Somehow I feel like my COP colleagues look down on me for being single with no commitment so far and the fact that I was silent most of the time. I was tired okay! I remember they said that if I have a boyfriend they might thought the world will come to an end. Yeah, me either and pretty sure my mom would roll down the floor and laugh about it.

...and we went Coffee Bean for an hour, spending another hour in shoe shop and came home tired as fuck.

I seriously hope that's the last time we hang up....