What I want to rant here is that I can't get the privilege and opportunity to grasp my dreams. We always had been taught to have a dream of our own and in order to achieve that we must learn and work hard. As we grow up the initial dreams may be slowly dies away and forgotten and end up as somehow we like to complain about everyday in Brudirect
There is no such thing that we can do everything we want and love in this world. Somehow there always something that stops your progress. In my case, I want to be European History experts and art design. Well guess what? It WILL NOT going to happen anytime soon.
First, in my Uni, the only history we must learn is Southeast Asia history and mainly emphasize on Brunei history. There I am, hoping to learn more about European history or perhaps, at least the Middle East history, but no! I admit; I only have a little interest in SEA history, mainly due to my history subject from where I started to pick it; the same topic all over. When I learn French Revolution in my 6th form, I feel the sudden urge and desperation to know the real story of it. Then I entered Uni and I started the same thing I learn back when I was form 1, yeah I might end up killing myself. For now I just have to sulk in internet and learn European history of my own. Thank fully, this semester, the History Department introduce Imperialism modules and the lecturer himself told us that he won’t concentrate in SEA...much. Thank You Allah!
Perhaps it’s my fault for not being brilliant enough to study overseas and pursue my dream at another Uni out there that offers ‘Major in European History’ and I can’t blame to much at my Uni since we being emphasize on our MIB philosophy that we MUST study Brunei History more. Then again society also taught me that
Well yeah that kind of shit. Reality-ly and conformist-ly whatever you love in artistic form rarely get you anywhere, especially here. If say I have this major and continue till master or PhD, hell, I will end up teaching! Growing up by looking at my mom’s back planting a seed for me to become a teacher and with my promise to become History teacher still lives on.
Try to think about it, why does it hard in the first place to do whatever we want to achieve what we dream of when we were young and innocent and just say whatever what we want to be? Well, from what I observe, living in Brunei can get you fairly everything. We get free medical service, while some country using insurance policy. We get free education while some country struggle to get donation. We are tax free and subsidies are abundant while some countries have to pay toll every miles and lied to IRS about their bank account. Sadly this also become some misleading mind-set.
“I eat whatever I want, I might get some disease and illness, oh well, I won’t be paying any surgery or treatment” *angel*angel*wink*wink*
“Study~nah, not that I pay it anyway”
“kay, now that I finally paid my car....I would like to buy another one for my 5 years old kid”
This mind set also in a way leads us to ‘pampering system’ we just sit back and let whatever things solve by itself. For example you could become a singer in Brunei provided that you will go around the studio, meet people, making promo to radio stations or making small gigs around the neighbourhood. Some people who serious about this will do it, some will just laid back and say what we like to say “malas ku eh” or my teacher used to shorten it into MTKI (Malas Tah Ku Ingau). Sometimes when we look at the media we see artist make so many glamour and fan around them will dash forward, we sometimes expect too much like that. To be idolised in one night, to be in a higher position when we are only start working for a day. Everything should start from the bottom, unless your dad is a millionaire and go around pay people to raise you up or you somewhat a genius and at the right moment at the right time to promote yourself, well lucky you. God must have blessed you. (No sarcasm intended)
I could become a comic author if there is a company that accept my shitty artwork. One thing that I can’t do it is not because it does not give me a promising future but how the generation before me look at it. I did see some Bruneians artworks got publish...somehow and mostly are concentrated in Bandar area people. I should talk to the editor and publish some of my artwork and at least make me happy that some Bruneian could watch and read at my comic. But hell, it’s not my intention at the first place actually. Drawing is like drug to me, I draw stuff when I get bored and seriously under pressure, the only reason I want it publish is that I want to show to my mother that how happy and glad I am whenever I draw. I never have the blessing of my mother when I started drawing Mangas and thankfully she accepts it somehow when I enter my form 6th (maybe she relaxes a bit because my two brothers already left to UK). Still, I wish it to be publicly published so people could comment and criticise it.
For now, I may not become a comic artist anytime soon but I opening my DeviantART account just to make myself happy.
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